How to Create Effective Routines for Children

Children crave routine and need structure –– any child psychologist will tell you that. But establishing and sticking to routines is easier said than done. Here are some practical guidelines for creating routines for kids to make your life –– and theirs –– a little easier.

The sooner you start establishing and sticking to routines, the better. However, whether your kids are six months old or six years old, it’s never late (or early) to start. It may be harder to enforce them when they’re older because it’s something new, but the hard work and effort will pay off. 

Consider your daily life. How hectic are your mornings? Is bedtime the biggest struggle of the day? Start with one small routine that will help in a big way.  

Consider your children’s interests, activity levels, and abilities when setting routines. My two older sons are very different. The oldest gets grossed out by things easily, so his job is to put the clean dishes away and give the dog water. Since the middle one doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty and isn’t disgusted by the dirty dishes or the smell of dog food, he’s in charge of loading the dishwasher and feeding the dog. 

As kids get older, they should be able to do more complex chores, so consider their age and capabilities before you set expectations. I can tell my youngest who’s 6 to go clean the bathroom, and he’ll clean the inside of the toilet and wipe the counter. He can’t reach the mirror and doesn’t do a very good job wiping all around the toilet, but at this point, I don’t expect that from him. On the other hand, my 11-year-old can most definitely do those things. He, however, needs a list –– for every chore, every time. 

Our family cleans the house every Saturday. The three boys are in charge of their rooms, bathrooms, and steps. They’ve been doing the same chores every week now for about a year, but every week, my oldest doesn’t know what to do. But that’s okay because he has ADHD. I don’t expect him to remember or to not be overwhelmed when I say “Clean your room.” For him, it’s “clear off all your surfaces, pick up the clothes from the floor, take the sheets off the bed, and vacuum the floor.” And sometimes, I need to break it down to even smaller pieces. That’s just the way he is, so I don’t expect him to be different.

No one knows your kids like you do, so set reasonable expectations and don’t get upset when things aren’t done perfectly the first time (or the tenth time…)!

Consistency is key to creating routines. But life isn’t always consistent. Our cleaning day is Saturday, but you know what else happens on Saturdays? Birthday parties! So sometimes, we do a quick morning clean. Sometimes we have to move it to Sunday (or Thursday, because life happens). The thing to remember is that consistency and flexibility need to go hand-in-hand. This helps kids understand that change is inevitable and gives parents an opportunity to model how to deal with that change.

The average attention span of kids is anywhere between 12 and 40 minutes, depending on age and developmental maturity. Have you visited your kids’ classrooms recently? When I am in my kids’ rooms, they are taking breaks every 10 minutes. Whether it’s a snack break, a brain break, a body break, or a belly break, they don’t do much for more than a few minutes. 

Because of this need for constant change, stimulation, and redirection, it would be helpful for you to mimic that routine at home. Instead of expecting them to clean and get everything done in an hour, take 3 hours to get it all done with lots of breaks in between tasks. 

Constructive criticism is crucial for growth. Punishment is not. Find the good in everything they do and try using the sandwich method when giving feedback. “Thank you so much for vacuuming the steps. I love how you did that so quickly. But do you see all these little pieces you missed? Try going slower next time and be sure to get all the dirt. Great effort!” This works much better than “You missed all that dirt. Do it again!”

When you reinforce the positive, you encourage the good behaviors you want to see more of. And as kids master those behaviors, you can gradually add more to their list of responsibilities. 

When all the work is done, it’s time for play! Reward the kids with a trip to one of the best playgrounds in America, put a sticker on their behavior chart, add some money to their piggy bank, or take them out for ice cream. Hard work should pay off. And remind them that the better they are with their responsibilities, the more rewards they will receive or the more freedom they will get. When you can trust your kids with little things, you can eventually trust them with bigger things. 

Parenting is hard! It’s one of the best and most difficult things you’ll ever do. There is a lot of trial and error in parenting because we’re all unique individuals. Try these tips to make routines easier to keep, tweak them as needed, and don’t forget to make it fun and rewarding!