Recognizing the Signs of Bullying

What signs should parents seek to determine if their child is being bullied?

About 94% of individuals with autism report bullying in school. Yet, it can be particularly challenging to recognize when a child with ASD may be experiencing bullying.

The earlier we intervene, the better we can help our children develop the necessary skills to avoid harassment, intimidation, or bullying and learn to advocate and assert themselves in their schools and communities.

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AUTISM BULLYING

Understanding bullying and autism

There are four main types of bullying behavior:

Physical: attacking the student or their possessions; easiest to identify and most recognized
Verbal ridicule: writing or stating mean and hurtful things about a peer or group of peers
Relational: spreading rumors about, excluding, ignoring, or encouraging other children to isolate a given peer or peer group
Cyberbullying: using technology to intimidate or harass a peer; can be the most detrimental

Youth with autism are often deliberately targeted by prospective bullies looking for easily intimidated or manipulated individuals.

Communication difficulties and the fear of being labeled a “tattle tale” can make reporting bullying behavior difficult.

Those with ASD may not understand the verbal and nonverbal bullying cues. They may be seen as more vulnerable, or be singled out or excluded.

Because children with ASD may be more likely to exhibit behavior, they may be purposefully exploited for a reaction. They may also take conversations literally or overlook the cues of a bully because they believe all peers must have good intentions in their interactions and conduct.

While physical or verbal bullying can easily be recognized by school faculty, parents, and administrators, covert, nuanced, or hidden bullying is often missed or dismissed as simple teasing or typical child behavior. The actions may be difficult to notice or kept away from adults, thereby festering for extended periods.

Bullying’s impact on a child’s emotional development may leave lifetime scars, especially for children with ASD. They tend to be more vulnerable to bullying, which can impact their trust and self-esteem long-term.

Physical and behavioral warning signs

While bullying behavior can include threats, isolation, and fear to quiet their target, signs and symptoms may be ongoing for a prolonged period.

If a child returns from school with unexplained injuries, this can be an early warning sign. The nurse generally contacts parents to report injuries or incidents.

If items are being damaged or destroyed, request an explanation to determine if bullying behavior is the cause.

You might notice these changes in your child:

Loss of appetite: possible emotional upset
Ravenous hunger: their lunch, lunch money, or both may be stolen
Sleeping pattern changes: possible anxiety and nightmares
Regressive behaviors: bedwetting may occur

The youth may want to stop riding the bus, attending school, or participating in before- or after-school activities and events. Grades may decline, or behaviors may escalate with no apparent trigger.

Children with social skills difficulties or challenges with assertiveness skills may melt down completely from the frustration and continued bullying pressure. They may also shift their anger and frustration to self-injurious behaviors.

Some children may withdraw more, using routines or specialized interests as a way to distract from the emotional stress and trauma. As stress levels increase, behaviors that were not previously triggered by sensory or other issues may intensify.

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Emotional and communication signs

Parents know and understand our children’s characteristics. Any significant changes in conduct, mood, or physical issues that suddenly arise without a noticeable change in circumstances should prompt the question “Why?”

Children with autism may already feel isolated and vulnerable; bullying can make them feel even less safe. A child exhibiting the following signs may be experiencing bullying:

becoming more easily overwhelmed
suddenly dismissing talk about school or peers
reverting to previous rigid routines or comfort activities to escape the pressures

Although bullying may occur in school, it can also happen anywhere your child interacts with peers, such as on the playground, in after-school activities, or online.

If you suspect bullying, examine all these potential places or situations, rather than focusing on one location.

Having open communication

Encourage open communication with your child to help them be successful while keeping them safe.

Create an optimal environment for more fruitful conversations. Consider when your child is the most relaxed and emotionally ready to have a potentially challenging conversation.

This may mean not immediately after school or strenuous physical activity, or during times of transition that can already be stress-filled.

Choose a peaceful, comfortable place with low (or no) sensory triggers. This may be outside, in their bedroom, or in another room.

Assure them that talking about bullying does not make them a “snitch” or a “tattle tale” and that you will do everything possible to improve the situation.

Find social story videos that detail almost every aspect of bullying a child may encounter. Watch these clips and discuss how a child may handle potential bullying behavior.

Looking at the situation together from a third-party perspective can help your child:

identify any complex feelings from being bullied,
assert themselves,
determine how to report bullying to the proper authorities.

Uncomfortable parents may ask vague or abstract questions. Children with ASD need simple, concrete questions while exploring the emotional circumstances behind these situations.

Ask questions focusing on the specific details of the bullying, such as the time and place.

Yes or no questions may be okay if they:

create less pressure,
focus on the fact that bullying is wrong,
help your child understand they are not to blame for being a target of another’s actions.

Action steps for parents

In many states, one bullying action can be deemed bullying.

Document all reports and patterns of bullying behavior to provide an accurate description for school or law enforcement personnel.

Be specific regarding dates, times, and what was said or done to your child. For cyberbullying, take a picture of the offending statements or photos to bring with you as evidence.

Although bullying situations can cause anger and frustration for parents, it is essential to maintain a calm and professional tone when dealing with those handling the case.

Serious acts of bullying can have a detrimental impact on the emotional health of a child. Parents often ask, “When do I get involved in outside support and help?”

If bullying has significantly affected your child emotionally, physically, academically, or socially, with no improvement in these attributes, seek help. This support can include outpatient or in-home counseling, which may be accessible through your insurance or state mental health departments.

If your child indicates that they want to hurt themselves or someone else, this is a mental health emergency. Seek immediate emergency care (as you would for a physical health emergency).

Children should be allowed to be assertive, expressing their emotions, why they feel that way, and what they need to resolve this problem accordingly.

Bullies often target those they perceive as lonely or isolated. Developing a support network for your child may reduce feelings of isolation and distract the bully.

School peer mentoring programs, social skills groups, or extracurricular activities can help build a natural support network that fosters more friendships during those confusing and challenging moments of childhood.

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Autism Support Groups for Parents

Supporting your child

You are your child’s greatest advocate. Seeing them hurt or the victim of bullying is painful.

Let’s create a kinder, gentler, and safer environment where our children’s verbal and nonverbal voices are heard and respected.

References:
Humphrey, N., & Hebron, J. (2014). Bullying of children and adolescents with autism spectrum conditions: a ‘state of the field’ review. International Journal of Inclusive Education, 19(8), 845–862. https://doi.org/10.1080/13603116.2014.981602

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