My Big Child With Autism – Finding Cooper’s Voice

When limbs get long and thick–

and hair sprouts—

so does an intellectual yearning for more.

It’s no longer the curiosity to sneak out of a side door–

to dig hands in dirt, spill rice or roll in grass.

it’s no longer the fear of her climbing into cars–

it’s a lust for something new and immaterial–

for living and exploring–

and for me,

It’s a heavy fear of the world that she is so curious about.

             the world she yearns to be part of.

When autism grows everything first calms—

like a settling boat in the sea after having made its way through a storm.

like a shaken tree whose leaves had been rattling, cracking, fighting–

It’s a quiet time of recovery from the chaos–

it’s humbling.

It’s awfully silent–

It’s empowering– a testament

                  We survived.

And then, an unexpected thing–

an overwhelming sunrise– beautiful really–

a big child rises.

A child that wants to live–

A child that wants to be herself–

despite herself– just like you and me.

fighting every day to live in this world–

none of us are perfect.

My big child with autism yearns to live in this world.