Not the Words I Expected – Finding Cooper’s Voice

A rare time where it was just the two of us.

The ride, taking 30 minutes, was joyful.

He showed me an excavator.

And more than a dozen semi trucks.

Showed me a fire truck on his Kindle screen.

And then tapped his chest, letting me know that he wants to ride a fire truck.

He giggled at penguins on his screen before showing me how they waddle.

Cooper is 15 years old and we have never had a typical conversation. But what we do have is something I prayed for.

When my son was diagnosed with autism at age 3, and then as nonverbal/nonspeaking shortly after, I spent a lot of time thinking about words.

His words. His thoughts. His feelings and opinions. And what his voice would sound like.

What would he say to me if he could?

And for a lot of years, our car rides were silent. I’d find myself studying his face in the rear view mirror, praying, hoping, and willing him to speak.

As the years went on, we settled into a comfortable silence he and I.

Of course I’d fill the silence with conversation. And ask him questions, pausing for answers that never came.

Today, for 30 minutes, he filled the air with sounds.

The only understandable word to the untrained ear was ‘mom.’

Back and forth we went. Never a quiet second.

Our world is not typical. This autism life is twisty and turny and keeps me on my toes.

But we are figuring it out. Together. He and I.

That’s what he said when we turned the corner to our neighborhood. And snapped 30 photos with my phone.

‘Yes buddy. Home.’