Q&A Help from an Expert: How to Handle Autism Aggression

Help! My Son’s Aggression and Name-calling is Disheartening and I Don’t Know How To Stop It.

Question:

Hi Rob,

Our son is 13 years old. He has ASD, ADHD, and an intellectual disability. I am writing in hopes of guidance regarding a couple of concerns.

When he gets really mad he hits himself in the head, hard, and bites the back of his own hands to the point of puncture wounds and missing chunks! He also hits us with force and occasionally acts like he’s trying to bite us. This physical aggression, especially towards himself, is hard to see. It is challenging not knowing what to do to help him.

Also, he doesn’t seem to know how to interact with others appropriately—especially his classmates—he displays rudeness, name-calling, and death threats. He’s in a special program at school with a very high adult/student ratio and only eight students with significant needs. He also uses name-calling and rudeness towards his younger nephews aged six and two years. It’s heartbreaking for all involved.

Any thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks 
Wendy

Answer:

Hi Wendy,

First of all, I know the teacher-to-student 1:8 ratio is wonderful, but by whose standard? Simply, just by the school standards; we’ve been taken in by the school system, not by educational standards. In other words, most classes with special education learners would be 12 to 15 kids in a class. Eight kids are great, I agree with that, but my ideal number of kids in a class has always been six. Six is small enough to get the kids individual attention and large enough to have social interaction. 

I’m coming from a place where I’m writing a book with a clinical psychologist where we’re trying to change the paradigm; the actual structure of the school system—so that’s where it’s coming from. But I just want to know if you have an ideal or what you would consider a good education in terms of your child. 

Answering the question more directly; when I work with kids showing behavior such as biting their hands, I view this as a lack of communication. These kids have a hard time communicating their needs. Once the words or the communication and the ideas come out, then that’s gonna make a big difference. 

A few things I like to ask are:

If the mother takes the child to the zoo and comes back:

• How does he describe what he saw or what happened?
• Can he describe the past in reasonable terms or in full sentences?
• Are his thoughts organized?
• Does he have a good grasp of the past and future or only of the present?
• Does he have others in mind when he communicates? Does he see things from another person’s point of view?

If he’s egocentric then that may explain the name-calling. He may be disrespectful because he has no idea that he’s making another person feel bad. Disrespect may occur because he’s not looking at the situation from another person’s point of view.