Helping Your Child Transition to Adulthood

Prepping your child for adulthood means equipping them with the tools to cope in various situations and environments. Encouraging self-awareness, self-regulation, and emphasizing preparation and practice may be a great start to teaching appropriate coping skills for kids on the spectrum.

A question most parents ask when they have a child on the autism spectrum is: “What does the future hold for my son or daughter?” They express concerns over what their child will want to do and what they will be capable of doing when they grow up. Will they be able to live independently, or will they require lifetime support? These are all legitimate concerns and fears, which should be addressed in a sensitive manner, as no one can truly predict what the future holds.

We can prepare as much as possible, though. I will try to support you, the parent, as much as possible by including some strategies that you can start early on to create independence.

If you ask any child what they want to be when they grow up, the answers might change from one month to the next, in some cases, even daily! For our children on the autism spectrum, it’s no different. Accordingly, we may be tempted to work on their current special interest, hoping to help them create a career out of it—whether this is a fascination with how machines work or the ins and outs of their favorite device.

As a professional, when I observe and assess a child, I usually think of the future for the child, and I ask the parents to focus on the daily wins. This is a difficult feat as parents usually tend to focus on preparing for the journey ahead. The problem is, we don’t know if the child will enjoy the same activities, interests, or potential careers a month or year from now.

So, how do we prepare them for the transition to adulthood?

We do what we can! This is to teach them how to manage their impulses and emotions, and increase their coping skills to become as independent as possible. This is how we also had to learn to manage transitions ourselves, but for our autistic kids, the strategies might need to be taught. We have to ensure they comprehend the true meaning, to enable practical application in their own lives.

The building blocks of successful transitioning

1. Self-awareness

One of the most important concepts to learn is how to become more attuned to our own emotional states in various situations or environments. It is important to learn how different states feel: being calm, excited, frustrated, or becoming agitated.

As we become more self-aware and as our awareness of various emotional states increases, we may be able to regulate our own emotions better; to stay in control, to remain calm when stressful or anxiety-provoking situations occur.

One way to focus on self-awareness is to include a “zones of regulation” chart from a young age. Click here for an example of a “zones of regulation” chart that can be introduced and adapted for any age. As adults, we also check in with our own current emotional state throughout the day (sometimes unconsciously) and react accordingly, by either taking a short break or continuing with the activity or task at hand.

At least this is what we strive towards—we want to be aware of the activities (or people) with a calming effect, and also that which (or who) excites or agitates us. The next step is to increase or decrease the interaction with such people or situations;this is called self-regulation.

2. Self-regulation

The ultimate goal for any person, when transitioning into different environments, is to be in control of their emotions and sensory system and regulate these appropriately, utilizing their coping skills. To be able to work on utilizing coping skills, we have to be aware of our sensory needs and which activities (or input) will calm or excite us. A great way to increase a person’s self-awareness is to pair a “zones of regulation” chart with a sensory profile.

Usually, an occupational therapist can provide parents with a sensory profile, but this can also be created by the parents themselves or other professionals. If you click here, you can download a sensory profile for free and include activities you know are calming or exciting to your child. When your child is excited or “hyped up,” you can reference the sensory profile and “zones of regulation” and show them which activities might be a good idea to regulate. The idea is that your child will learn to self-regulate—the ultimate goal. This, in turn, increases your child’s ability to prepare for transitions of any kind.

3. Preparation and practice

The famous saying “preparation is key” is a quote we all know to be true, but practicing what we prepare for is oftentimes more important. Many therapies focus on generalizing taught skills in a structured manner. First, though, it is important to introduce targets one at a time, on a trial-and-error basis. Next, a systematic movement from generalizing to natural environments is recommended.

I would advise parents to generalize any important goal—such as generalizing what they have learned in the real world—as quickly as possible. This means that if you want your child to stay calm and in control of their emotions and sensory system in various environments, you need to expose them to such environments early on.

We usually advise our families to take their child on various outings:in nature, to the park, visiting friends, and on holidays. In order to prepare for these outings, we could show the child some photos (a simple Google search) of the place we are visiting, informing them of what to expect. Again, reference their “zones of regulation” chart and sensory profile to decide which sensory activities or fiddle toys to pack.

A great idea would be to have a “sensory backpack” and teach your child early on how to pack what they believe they would need. The goal should always be to work towards independence and self-regulation, as this will increase your child’s ability to adapt more easily to novel situations and environments.

4. Celebrate the victories and take a break whenever needed

As a sensory-sensitive person, I understand the amount of energy it takes to enter, interact, and exit a noisy environment successfully. I feel completely drained after a visit to a grocery store. For this reason, I myself utilize the strategies that I wrote about in this article.

In essence, I am already self-aware that this environment overwhelms me, so I regulate my emotional state and sensory system by preparing as much as I can. I firstly remind myself what type of input I need before a visit to the grocery store, and will often engage in a short meditation session or listen to calming classical music on my way to the store. I would also have a specific list of what is needed, and even write my list out in the same way as it is stored in my usual grocery store (preparation is key, right?).

I will then remind myself that I will go for a short walk in nature, as soon as I return from such a sensory-overwhelming experience. I prefer to keep the outing as short as possible, and reinvigorate myself, if you will, with a movement and sensory detox straight afterward.

I also make a point to show gratitude to my own sensory system for sustaining the noise, bright lights, and movement in a store. I am honestly proud of myself, and this is what we should instill in our adults on the spectrum—they should know how proud we, as parents or professionals, are of them, for working through these transitions and the emotions they bring out. They should also be proud of themselves.

5. Get a mentor or a buddy

At AIMS Global, we have realized there is a major need for support services for adolescents and adults on the autism spectrum. We’ve created a mentoring program where autistic adolescents or adults are supported by a mentor or buddy to become more self-aware, to self-regulate, and to become more independent in the process. It might be a good idea to find someone who can be a mentor or a buddy to your child when they grow up to support their independence in a relaxed manner, even as a housemate.

I really hope that these strategies have given you some comfort and maybe eased your fears for the future of your child. Our kids are smart, and they want to be independent, so please know that your effort in finding strategies and support will pay off.