Bullying: A True Story from a Neurodivergent Advocate

A neurodiverse educator shares a painful bullying memory to raise awareness of the struggles neurodivergent learners face in school, college, and the workplace.

I began my college journey with the same happy-go-lucky attitude I had always had throughout most of my childhood. I believed most of the world was rainbows and sunshine.

I was under the impression that once I started my journey in college, things like bullying were a thing of the past. Unfortunately, I was about to find out I had been raised viewing the world through rose-colored glasses. In this instance, my bully was a teaching assistant (TA) in a course I took freshman year of college.

Alex, the TA, had access to my (and several other students’) academic records for that specific course. After failing the midterm, I remember, clear as day, confiding in Alex (who ironically was a special education major) and sharing my academic struggles due to my neurodiversity. I also vocalized how upset I was about receiving a poor grade on the midterm.

In addition to discussing my academic struggles with my TA, I then met with my professor, who guided me to the appropriate office where I was able to obtain the necessary documentation needed for the remainder of my college journey. Thankfully, I was only halfway through my first semester of college, but I finally received the accommodations I needed to achieve my academic goals.

I studied hard, scored 100% on the final, and ended the semester with an “A” in the class. It is truly amazing how neurodiverse learners can flourish once they are given the proper support they need to be successful, no matter their age.

Broken rose-colored glasses

The following year, I was a sophomore, and Alex (the TA) was a junior. Suddenly, I went from being Alex’s student to being their target. There are many reasons why I believe this could have happened, but none that can justify Alex’s hurtful actions towards me.
During the fall semester of sophomore year, I was proudly initiated into my major’s honor society and was asked to join the e-board. Alex, already on the e-board and holding a very high position (one of the top three), was disturbed by my nomination. It was during this period that Alex did something extremely cruel and hurtful.

Sadly, I had previous experience with bullying as a child, yet this seemed to supersede anything I had ever experienced. After I was unable to attend the second e-board meeting, it was brought to my attention by another attendee that Alex had their perfect audience in which to unleash their wrath against me. Alex publicly questioned why I was ever given an opportunity to join e-board.

Alex then pulled up my old, already-graded assignments from the previous year to share with the others attending the meeting. Alex then claimed that while they were assigned as my TA, I struggled academically and was not worthy of being part of an e-board within such a prestigious honor society. Alex had finally found my one weakness, or so they thought.

Questions

I question to this very day why Alex did what they did since I thought we had a cordial, friendly relationship. To take this matter a step further, I had even thanked Alex at the end of the semester for helping me throughout one of my very first college classes. Finishing a college course with an “A” in a four-year college program is a not-so-small milestone for someone who was nonverbal until they were four years old with an original diagnosis of PDD amongst other sub-diagnoses (currently inattentive ADHD).

I was mortified when I heard what Alex had disclosed about my academic struggles and personal course grades, and to this very day I don’t understand why someone would do something so mean. Regardless, I knew one thing: if I didn’t do something about it, it could be done again, and I refused to let this happen to someone else.

Silver lining

The silver lining in this? I learned how to use my voice! I explained what had happened to the director of the honor society, who insisted I speak to the dean of the school, who was extremely comforting, understanding, apologetic, and took the appropriate measures to ensure this issue was addressed.

After this incident, Alex resigned from their TA position. However, I have yet to receive an apology.

I’m not going to lie, I cried while I was in the dean’s office explaining what had happened. I cried, not only because I was embarrassed, but because this person knew I had an IEP throughout the entirety of my education, violated my privacy, and still tried to use my challenges against me. Nonetheless, I came out stronger.

Lessons learned

A parent of a child with learning disabilities is a true warrior, and warriors have an internal strength they do not even know they can tap into when they must (I like to think of it as a survivor skill). I was raised watching my mom be my warrior, my advocate, my voice, and now it was my turn.

Not only did I learn how to use my voice at the beginning of each semester for the entirety of my education—ensuring my academic accommodations letter was always up-to-date and ready to be submitted to each of my professors—but I learned how to believe in myself.

I learned the importance of not only being proactive in making sure I receive the support I was entitled to, but also learned how to use my voice to claim my own identity. The journey of my life growing up as a child with learning disabilities was MY story to tell, and I will not allow the progress I have made to be overshadowed by one person’s cruel actions.

The other very valuable lesson I learned through this experience is that often people bully others when they are insecure and have their own hang-ups. I have learned that it’s not a reflection of you or your child, but of the bully themselves. This was a difficult but necessary pill for me to swallow, especially for someone like me who really wants to believe we should treat others the way we want to be treated.

Through it all, I managed to walk away the bigger person, holding my head up high because at the end of the day I know I don’t need to put others down to feel good about myself. In addition, I refuse to let the bitterness of others drain the kindness out of me.

Shining bright

Where am I now? Well, I turned twenty-five a couple of months ago, and I share this story with you not only as a neurodiverse learner, but as a certified teacher, award-winning writer, Ph.D. student, and an educational speaker advocating on behalf of the neurodiverse community.

I’m happy to say that when I’m not working, my calendar is very full of social events, many friends, and I’m still choosing to see the good in the world through my rose-colored glasses. So, I don’t know where Alex is, but I’m doing just fine!

Disclaimer: The person involved in this story has been given a pseudonym for confidentiality purposes.