I’m always amazed by typical development.
Even after 14 years of being a mom.
Three boys and a girl. Ages 14 down to four.
Autism first. Then three neurotypical.
The differences are not subtle. They are loud. They are noticeable. They’ve given me the gift of sight.
I’m amazed how some kids just instinctually know to sit in a circle and walk in a line.
And some don’t.
Some grow almost effortlessly. Some stay frozen.
Why, I often wonder.
Why do some kids have it harder? Why does the world not make sense to them?
Why does my oldest have to struggle? Why doesn’t he get to experience the world like the rest?
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why he can’t talk or play and navigate the world.
They fish and throw baseballs and score goals and make friends and are loved by the world.
The thoughts of a mother at 3 am.
I am so thankful.
I worry so much.
My second son Sawyer caught his biggest fish ever today. I’ve never seen him so proud.
My oldest is really struggling. And I can’t seem to fix it.
How lucky am I to belong to my kids? I think that daily.
I get to experience it all. All the world has to offer.
All the shades from typical to neurotypical.

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