De-escalating Difficult Behaviors – Autism Parenting Magazine

Respected educator Dr. Malcolm shares his advice for de-escalating difficult behaviors among children on the autism spectrum.
Every parent with a child on the spectrum has had to deal with behaviors in various forms. Such behaviors differ as no two children with autism are the same. It is important that, as a parent, you become aware of strategies you can use to help your child de-escalate. Here are 10 suggestions for parents as they navigate the world of difficult behaviors.

1. Seek the advice of professionals and model appropriately

Many parents become stressed out at the very thought of managing the behaviors of their children with autism. They may even be afraid to take their children with autism out in public for fear of being embarrassed due to their behaviors in stores, restaurants, or parks.

As a result of this anxiety, they may react harshly to their child’s behaviors without even realizing they are “modeling” inappropriate reactions.

As a parent, it is important to keep in mind that you will always be your child’s first teacher. Ensure you model appropriate behavior for them when dealing with stress.

Sometimes, it is good to have a fresh set of eyes look at the behaviors of your child with autism. Parents can seek out the advice of a Board Certified Behavior Analysis (BCBA), counselor, family doctor (specializing in autism), or mental health professional. They can offer additional “tools” to assist with managing difficult behaviors and/or de-escalating your child.

2. Asking appropriate questions

Many times, in the heat of the moment, parents will respond to their child with autism by asking inappropriate questions which further upsets their child. Avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no response. For example: “Can you sit down?” , “Can you tell me why you are screaming?” , “Can you stop doing that?”, or Can ‘you get up off the floor?”

Most children with autism, who have become dysregulated, will simply respond to “yes or no” questions with “No.” Asking more “open-ended” questions may help you to discover what is really causing your child’s behavior.

For example: “Can you show me what is bothering you?” , “Can you point to what you need help with?” or “What calming strategy that we have practiced, can you use right now to feel better?”

Also, telling a child with autism to simply “calm down” generally does not help the situation. In fact, asking anyone who is upset to “calm down” generally does not get the situation under control. Those two simple words tend to heighten the situation and even escalate the child’s emotions and behavior.

3. Offering choices

When your child becomes upset, they may feel a sense of having lost control. In an attempt to regain control, they may continue to exhibit inappropriate or unsafe behaviors. Offering your child a choice may help them with feeling a sense of control again.

Again, avoid offering them choices that can be answered with a “yes or no” response. Instead of saying, “Do you want to go to your room?” you could say, “I see you are upset, you can go to your room where it is quiet and listen to some music or to the living room and play with your puzzle.” Simply asking them: “Do you want to…?.” Will generally get a: “No,” response from your child.

4. Changing the environment

Sometimes the environment your child is in will need to be addressed for them to de-escalate. Some noisy or new environments may trigger your child with autism to act-out inappropriately. This is where it will be important for you as a parent to know what “triggers” your child.

Maybe your child will not do well in a movie theater due to the darkness or their inability to remain quiet during a movie. Therefore, you might want to host a movie night at your home, and have them invite a few classmates over.

Your child may be triggered by dogs. Going to the local park, where many people walk their dogs, may not be a great way to handle this issue. If you know that noise is likely to upset your child, it may be a good idea to pack their noise-canceling headphones when going out.

5. Cue replacement behaviors

Some children on the spectrum struggle with regulating their own behavior. In an attempt to regulate their behavior, they may continue to demonstrate inappropriate behaviors and not understand how to stop this vicious cycle. You can “cue” your child to use more appropriate replacement behavior.

Take a piece of construction paper. Cut out two rectangles, about the size of a driver`s license. Mark one card with: “I need a break.” Mark the other card with: “I need help.” Laminate both cards.

Your child can then be taught to use these two cards. Instead of screaming, throwing items, hitting, or biting, they can be taught how to use these cards to become regulated, and get the results they want.

So, instead of having a tantrum, they can show you their “I need a break” card. Instead of hitting you, they can use their “I need help” card.

6. Calming strategies

As a parent, it will be important for you to know which calming strategies may work best for your child with autism. Here are some examples:

Some children with autism enjoy listening to music. Others, highly dislike it. Some scents, like lavender, have been found to soothe children with autism. Other kids like having a “Social Story” pertaining to their situation read to them.

Students with autism can be taught to use “Zones of Regulation.” These are associated with feelings/emotions, and students can be taught to point to how they are feeling. If they point to red then you know they are angry. If they point to green, they are feeling great. You can check in with your child throughout the day to see how they are feeling by simply asking them to point to a color.

7. Behavior is communication

All behavior is communication. While you may dislike the behavior your child is displaying, they may be attempting to communicate something to you. This may be particularly true if your child with autism is nonvocal. Be certain that you have received adequate training on any form of an augmentative communication device they may be using.

Children with autism who display inappropriate or self-injurious behaviors may be trying to communicate that they are hungry, need to go to the bathroom, possibly in pain, feeling sick, or simply want to request an item and lack the verbal skills to do so.

8. Stay consistent

There is no instant fix when handling the behavior of your child with autism. You`ll need to demonstrate consistency with your approach, and be patient with the results.

If your child is taking medication, it is critical to their success that they receive their medication according to the advice of your doctor. Skipping a dose may lead to inconsistency in how they handle their emotions and behaviors.

Try sticking to routines when possible. If a routine needs to be changed, give your child ample time to transition to the new routine. Abruptly introducing them to an unfamiliar routine, event, or person can cause great difficulty for your child with autism.

9. Know the function

While working with professionals in the field of autism, you might want to request that a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA) be conducted on your child. This will involve a trained professional observing your child in a variety of environments, at home, and school.

They will conduct an assessment to determine the function of your child’s behavior. They may determine that the function of your child’s behavior is to seek attention. Alternatively, the function may be task avoidance or sensory seeking. Knowing these functions will assist you with dealing with the unwanted behavior appropriately .

If the function of the behavior is to seek attention, you may have to ignore the behavior. It can eventually be handled by replacing the behavior with others that are more appropriate.

If the function of the behavior is “sensory seeking” then the response may involve allowing your child to access a sensory item. Another option could be having them put on a weighted vest.

10. Preference assessments and reinforcement

You can ask the professionals working with your child to conduct a Preference Assessment on your child. This will assist with determining which items are highly preferred by your child.

Some children with autism prefer food-related items, while others prefer to have access to technology. Knowing what items work for your child will assist you to better meet their behavior-related needs.

Remember when providing reinforcement, that in most cases, it needs to be offered immediately. Many children with autism cannot wait a week to get their reward.

Finally, keep in mind that preferences often change. The item that was highly preferred by your child three weeks ago may now be something they are no longer interested in. Conducting frequent Preference Assessments may provide you with valuable information to assist with your child’s behavior.