How to Keep Your Marriage Strong While Raising an Autistic Child

Parenting a child with autism brings unique joys and challenges, and it can place additional stress on even the healthiest relationships. Daily routines, therapies, and emotional ups and downs can easily lead to couples feeling disconnected.

Yes, you will experience changes in your marriage relationship! However, the choices you make in the midst of these changes are what ultimately affect the outcome. You can grow apart and become conflictual with each other, or you can become stronger.

Why confidence in your marriage matters 

I have seen couples pull together and support each other even when their own reservoirs were nearly empty. This comes from a place of inner strength, maturity, and faith.

In our own strength, we often fail and give in to self-centeredness and selfishness. However, with hope, we can soar above the difficult circumstances in our lives.

The importance of commitment and healthy communication 

Your commitment to each other and to your marriage will take you through the stressful times as you adjust to parenting your child.

At times, you may have different opinions about your child’s treatment options and care. One of you may even feel you are carrying an unfair amount of the responsibility. 

In such situations, it is important to listen to one another and try to understand each other’s perspective rather than becoming defensive or resentful. Communicating with love and respect will protect and strengthen your relationship and preserve your level of intimacy. 

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Simple ways to stay connected to your partner 

The very nature of autism requires that you focus on your child. You can balance this by intentionally finding ways to stay connected to your spouse. 

You do this by staying in touch with each other’s personal interests and by staying in tune with your mate’s heart.

Be sure to plan times when you can be alone together, such as date nights and one-on-one talks. Unless they are regularly and purposefully planned, it’s easy to get so busy that special times to connect are simply missed.

A happy and healthy marriage is possible

Couples who parent a child with autism can have a strong marriage. It requires understanding and compassion for the unique challenges you face. Children crave the stability of a loving and secure home as they face their own issues. 

As a couple, you also need the stability of a solid, secure, and supportive relationship with your spouse.

This requires a realistic perspective of your circumstances, a commitment to your marriage and family, and a willingness to courageously work at building a loving, intimate, and strong marriage.

FAQs

Q: How does having an autistic child affect marriage?

A: Couples frequently report increased tension from differing opinions on treatments, childcare responsibilities, and financial burdens. While some marriages grow stronger through collaboration, others experience emotional distancing and imbalance when one partner becomes the primary caregiver.

Q: How does divorce affect a child with autism?

A: Divorce can be especially challenging for children with autism who often rely on routine and predictability. During separation, they may experience heightened anxiety, regression in behavior, or disturbances in daily functioning. Consistent communication, structured transitions, and emotional support are crucial to help autistic children adjust and feel secure post-divorce.

Q: How many marriages with autistic kids end in divorce?

A: A longitudinal study of 391 families found that about 23.5% of marriages with autistic children end in divorce, compared to 13.8% in families with neurotypical children. Other research indicates as many as 36% of parents of children with autism divorce by the child’s 30th birthday, with elevated risk persisting into adolescence and early adulthood.

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