Let Me Do the Wondering – Finding Cooper’s Voice

I spend a lot of time thinking about the things you cannot tell me.

There are little things. Like why you point to certain clouds or put your ear up to the wind and laugh.

There are big things too. Like why you hit your head in frustration. Does it hurt? Do you hear something I cannot?

I wonder why you like trains so much.

I wonder why you carry the DVD cases but don’t watch the movies.

I wonder if you are lonely.

I wonder if you get scared of the dark.

I wonder if the words are on the tip of your tongue or if they are buried deep inside.

I wonder if you say I love you in your head when I say it to you.

I wonder what you want to be when you grow up.

I wonder why you can’t speak. I wonder if you ever will.

I wonder if I can make your life better. I wonder if I’m doing enough. And the right things.

I wonder if you have pain.

I wonder why it’s so hard a lot of the time. And if it will be hard forever.

I wonder if you feel bad after you hurt me.

I wonder if you know that you are amazingly special and one of my greatest treasures.

I wonder if you know that you are the most loved little boy ever.

I wonder if you understand that you are growing up. And that mommy is getting older.

I wonder what your relationship with your brothers will be like when you are older.

I wonder what we would talk about if we could.

I wonder if you know that you are perfect just the way you are. And that you don’t have to change to fit into a world that doesn’t understand you.

Just be you kid. And let mom and dad do the rest. Let me do the wondering.