“What does Olivia want for Christmas?” - Finding Cooper's Voice

This question seems simple, but it is extremely difficult to answer.

My daughter Olivia is 16 years old. She is autistic, and she has Sensory Processing Disorder and anxiety. Olivia has words for labeling and requesting but is considered nonspeaking or semi-verbal because she cannot hold a conversation.

There was a time when Olivia did not even acknowledge Christmas. She did not understand what was going on, and opening presents did not interest her at all.

Now that she’s older, she actually loves Christmas! She loves the lights, the tree, the songs, the outings, and the baking. She loves to open presents, but she does not ask us to buy her anything. I think it’s just the excitement of getting them and opening them up that she loves.

Here is how the conversation goes if I ask her what she wants for Christmas.

Me: “Olivia, what do you want for Christmas?”
Olivia: “Presents!”
Me: “What kind of presents?”
Olivia: “Blue presents!”
Me: “What is in the blue presents? Toys, puzzles, games, books?”
Olivia: “Santa! Open presents!”

We could go around in circles for hours. If I give her a book to pick things out, she just circles EVERYTHING… LOL!

I end up going with her favorite things that are usually built around sensory items, music, problem-solving (Livie loves to solve a puzzle!), food (she loves a Chili’s gift card!), nail polish and lip gloss, and her favorite candy in her stocking. She is just happy to open the gifts and have a big breakfast with her family.

I let go of the expectations/traditions of her making this big list and getting excited about it. For her, the excitement lies within the entire experience of the season. She is grateful in her own way for all of it, and I think that is pretty special. And, honestly, we have never disappointed her because she just treasures the experience. I believe we should all be more like that and just get our joy in all the moments rather than our expectations of things.

Once again, our girl teaches us it’s the small things that truly matter in this life.