A mom’s Mission: Persuading Schools for Additional Needs

One mother shares tips and insight into her own mission of convincing school districts to adapt for children with additional needs.

In the fall of 2016, our family made the decision to move our son from a public school to a private school that specializes in autism. We were overjoyed at the possibility of having a safe haven where they understood his condition.

Now, five years later, we decided to switch him back to public school. This decision came from a desire for a more inclusive setting that will prepare him for success in the modern world. Our son has a bouquet of disabilities, including autism spectrum disorder (ASD), expressive language disorder (ELD), oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), specific developmental disorders of scholastic skills (SDDSS), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Our journey as a military family has taught us to adapt and make the best of what we are given. However, there are things we have seen along the way that have led us to believe that change moves too slowly for those with disabilities.

For me, the pivotal moment was when I was told that the school was tired of dealing with my son. It was then that I realized we were not on the same team anymore. It had become apparent that they had given up on my son, despite the fact that he was only five years old at the time.

This comment, made in poor judgement, was a result of a restless year of addressing violent behaviors and classroom disruptions. While I do not condone violence as an acceptable coping mechanism, I am aware that these behaviors can surface from underlying issues like sensory overload, anxiety, and an inability to communicate which can be prevented in some capacity. What was revealed in these moments was an inability to transcend behavior expectations and analyze the underlying triggers present in the school setting.

I believe that all team members should be practicing self-reflection to learn from such difficult moments. In my reflection of what I believe needs to change, I have concluded that the following questions must be asked of our school systems today to ensure fair treatment for students with disabilities.

• Does the child feel safe both physically and emotionally in the school setting?
• How are disabilities being factored into situations before giving out consequences from the administration team?
• Are educators legally responsible for facilitating environments that are friendly to those with disabilities?
• Is the teacher practicing reflection on how their actions are affecting the child?
• Is the state providing adequate training for faculty working with students with disabilities?
• How are schools ensuring that they are following the latest research-based strategies?
• Why is there no standard of care created for all educators to follow?
• Why has there not been a separate Discipline Matrix created for students with disabilities?

I find myself in a unique position as a parent of two children with autism, as well as an educator in the public school system. The ability to see from both sides of the table is not something I take lightly nor for granted. In fact, it is this unique vantage point that has enabled me to share my motivations and suggestions for change. As parenting children with disabilities begins to feel more like a never-ending game of hot potato with teachers, there has to be a better way to create systems that will ensure lasting changes in the child’s life.

There is a paradigm shift happening because of deep reflection across our nation, which is one positive that we can accredit to this pandemic. Systems that are ineffective and do not reflect the values of the stakeholders should be altered in a way that addresses the needs presented to them. We, as parents, have a great need staring us in the face: we need schools to adapt. “Good” is simply not good enough anymore. Yet, as I tell my students, we can’t bring about real change unless we stay solution-focused.

The following suggestions are intended for parents dealing with setbacks from their school districts to meet their child’s need for services.

1. Don’t accept “no” for an answer

If they deny services that your child needs, do not be afraid to speak up. It is okay to disagree with the school because they do not know what is best for your child—you do. There are many things you can do to challenge their decisions, like refusing to sign an Individual Education Plan (IEP) until you are in agreement.

2. Seek out a parent advocate

I was fortunate enough to have a friend recommend someone who could help me navigate around the red tape. She is well versed on the language of the IEP and has an understanding of what the schools should be doing to help him on a daily basis.

3. Do not accept that your child is a “problem”

As my parent advocate told me, you cannot just look at the situation from one perspective. If your child is having behavior problems, it isn’t just on the student. You have to put the ball in their court and ask them what they are doing to prevent it. They have a legal responsibility to your child to help him or her succeed. They should be able to show explicit strategies they are using in the classroom.

4. Do not be afraid to take it to the state

I had to get the state involved once, but it has been necessary to remind the next school that I will reach out to them if they are not following the IEP. I would only advise this as a last resort, though.

5. Talk to your teachers privately

Surprisingly, this is what ultimately gave me the change that we needed. Once the teacher understood that I wasn’t attacking her, I was only fighting for my son, I came to learn that the district had tied their hands on a lot of issues and made communication almost impossible. When we realized, as a team, that it was best to leave the district out of it, all angst about moving forward was gone. My son was able to get not just a one-on-one paraprofessional—but a certified behavioral therapist that helps him all throughout the day.

As no student with autism is the same, neither should the approach be. We are living in a time where we can bring about change like never before in history. Implementing these changes doesn’t cost anything more than time, patience, and flexibility. Regardless of where parents and students live, they should be able to find comfort in the same level of care provided.

The question parents need to be asking themselves today is whether the school system is a place where your child can thrive, with or without disabilities.