Communicating without Words – Autism Parenting Magazine

A look at the importance of finding a preferred method of communication for your child if he/she is nonverbal.

Communication―it’s essential to our everyday lives. The go-to method for many of us is verbal communication. But what if speech is not possible?

According to the Autism Speaks organization, an estimated 40 percent of people on the spectrum are nonverbal. This is a staggeringly high percentage, and unfortunately, even in 2021, much about nonverbal autism is still unknown . We know that almost everyone on the spectrum struggles with social skills. To be honest, I think once the world comes out of lockdown, we will all need to dust off our social skills.

I believe that we cannot truly understand someone else until we have walked a mile in their shoes. Try communicating to your family, friends, and even strangers for a whole day without speaking. The frustration you feel may be much greater after a lifetime of difficulty expressing yourself, a reality for many nonverbal individuals on the spectrum.

I want to stress the importance of finding a preferred method of communication for your child if he/she is nonverbal. Children are very curious when they are discovering the world. I can’t even begin to imagine the frustration nonverbal children must feel as they grow. Parents of nonverbal children need extreme patience, empathy, and the ability to tune into their child’s particular cues, signs, and triggers. This may go a long way to helping your child feel heard.

In this digital age, we are all supposed to be more connected than ever. I don’t think this is necessarily true. The deeper we delve into our online presence, the more our physical presence fades. How many people do you know who won’t speak on the phone and will only text? Our communication skills have started to develop differently. As with most things, there are positives and negatives to this trend.

Social platforms have provided the opportunity for many individuals on the spectrum to communicate with one another and it’s aided the formation of support groups. Support groups are crucial to children’s development, it allows them to seek validation from individuals outside their immediate family circle. This could lead to an increase in confidence and give them a sense of belonging.

A child who once may have felt completely isolated in their world can now be a part of a support group. Every child is unique, but sometimes this uniqueness can feel isolating. This is where the digital age provides a platform of communication.

Music is another avenue for expression. Kevin Walsh is a performer who sings, acts, and is a talented musician. He is on the autism spectrum and has used his passion for music and the arts to communicate. He writes songs with powerful messages and has been working alongside AsIAm, a non-profit organisation based in Dubin, Ireland that raises awareness for autism. Although Kevin is verbal, he has proven the power of communicating through playing music and writing. I was fortunate enough to speak with Kevin recently and this is a statement from him.

“Communication is about so much more than the spoken word; from sounds, expressions, gestures, art of all kinds from paintings, drawings to ceramics, and music, too. Music has been my lifeline as an autistic person. It has been the foundation for much of my social and public life as a communicator through experiences of public singing and performance. Its splendor, however, doesn’t just lie at those sorts of levels. Even something simple in the four walls of one’s home, like a percussive tap of the table, a [vocalization], a single note, lyric, or chord, can provide much catharsis for an autistic person. The most beautiful thing I’ve seen across my life is how songs and music resonated with my autistic friends growing up, no matter what end of the diagnostic tier they were. Music allowed them to be free, to express, to learn words outside of their vocabulary, to provide an insight to their souls, their emotional being―the very essence of communication!”

Kevin Walsh is a singer, songwriter and actor from Ireland. He is in the process of recording his debut charity supergroup single, with half of the proceeds going to AsIAm. More information on Kevin can be found here.

I have spent a lifetime with individuals on the spectrum. My own brother, Scott, is nonverbal. He communicates with body language. It is absolutely amazing what you can pick up from someone’s body language by being observant—a technique called “listening with your eyes”.

You may be able to piece together cues and patterns to understand the message being portrayed to you. Once someone, especially a child, feels as though you truly understand what he/she is trying to communicate to you, the anxiety eases. One of the main struggles for most individuals on the spectrum is dealing with a lot of anxiety. Minimizing their communication struggles will make a world of difference.

You may want to try introducing your child to different animals such as dogs, horses, guinea pigs, dolphins, and even chickens. It has been proven that children who interact with animals have considerably lower levels of anxiety and more adept social skills. A study by HABRI (Human, Animal, Blood, Research Institution) found that children on the spectrum who had guinea pigs in their classrooms improved their social behavior and alleviated stress and loneliness compared to those who didn’t.

At the end of the day, everyone on the spectrum wants to feel heard and understood. The stigma that someone is “weird” because they communicate in a different way is absurd and outdated. In fact society, up until recently, has been damaging those on the spectrum by ridiculing their way of communicating, thereby creating more anxiety and social issues. We need to be open to understanding the limitless ways of communicating.

I hope that this article has given you an insight into communicating without words. I look forward to an inclusive future for everyone on the spectrum.