An autism expert explains how allowing your child to make mistakes and develop problem-solving skills can benefit them hugely later in life.
Research tells us that, in order to build flexibility in our children and students, we need to stop thinking and problem-solving for them and inspire them to problem-solve for themselves. We don’t want them to get stuck, unable to move forward, and unable to find solutions to life’s daily puzzles.
As we encourage them to problem solve, we also nurture their independence. But when do we start? In early childhood, they continue expanding their problem-solving abilities each and every birthday. Let me walk you through a timeline of tips for your child throughout their lifetime:
- As an infant, have them reach for toys; don’t always hand them to them. Provide two choices instead of one. Teach them to play board games and card games
- Perhaps allow the baby to find ways to soothe themselves or offer choices
- Encourage rolling over, acknowledge holding their heads up, and get excited when they follow with their eye gaze
- Allow them to feed themselves (don’t worry about the mess)
- Allow their curiosity and refrain from a “NO, STOP” before you know if something is not safe to explore
- Encourage them to find their own toys and put them away
- Encourage them to open and close objects
- Allow them time to find the toothpaste and toothbrush
- Help them remember to get a coat before they go outside, instead of grabbing their coat for them and handing it to them
- Let them put grocery items in the refrigerator, on the shelf, in the cabinet, or in the pantry. Then they know where to find it and understand how things get stored
- Let them set the table, clear their dishes, scrape food into the garbage or sink, and load the dishwasher
- Teach them to strip their bed and then re-make a bed with new sheets and pillow cases
- Require them to carry their dirty laundry to the washer and dryer and eventually complete all steps. At first, they can open and close the doors, and put dark or light clothing in them. Do they know what to do if they need new clothing or clothing repaired? Can they shop for their clothing?
- Don’t always choose for them. Ask them which way they want to walk today, left or right. Vary the parks you go to. Draw attention to all traffic symbols (colors, people, hands). Tell them what they mean. Can they use a map?
- Make sure to show them a variety of grocery stores they can access, or drug stores (Walgreens, CVS, or Rite Aid). Teach them to make grocery shopping lists (pictures of items work too) before they go, and make an estimate on how much money they might need
- Take them to the bank with you and show them how to deposit money and take out money. Teach them about savings
Teach them to buckle their own seat belt - Help them plan a party for someone (birthday, family gathering, holiday)
- Take them to visit the fire station and police station, to meet those people who will eventually support them
- I suggest parents make mistakes, forget things, and inspire their sons and daughters to help them resolve those mistakes or find the objects forgotten. Lose your keys, forget where you put your coat, or ask them to look for tools, toilet paper, a broom, mop, or other objects needed to complete an action
- Think about all the tasks they will need to know about if they are to live on their own:
- What happens when a light bulb goes out?
- Can they use a plunger to unclog a toilet?
- Do they know how to make ice in the freezer and how to change the refrigerator bulb?
- Do they know how to lock up the house?
- Can they sweep, vacuum, mop, and take out the full garbage? Do they know how to break garbage down into recycling, compost, or trash? Do they know what day to put it out?
- Do they know what to do when plumbing or electrical challenges occur? Do they have a list of contacts? Have you ever had them make appointments for house maintenance?
- Have they ever seen you pay bills and know how to pay for things on time (rent, phone, garbage, electricity, etc.)? Show them early and repeatedly.
- Can they execute first aid if needed? (Injury, accident) Maybe enroll them in a class. Do they understand how to use 911? Do they know what items to keep in the bathroom (bandages, antiseptic cream, aspirin, treatment for burns or cuts)
- Can they make doctor and dentist appointments? Let them practice
- Take field trips to hardware stores so they can see where to find tools and household items
- Teach them to take care of the outside of the house (use a hose, pull weeds, mow the lawn)
- If they are able to drive, car maintenance problems will occur. Teach them where to go for help and how to take care of the vehicle (gas, oil, windshield wipers, tires, wash, insurance, payments)
- Food preparation and cooking require problem-solving. Start early by teaching them to use a toaster and a blender; teach cooking methods like stirring, pouring, following a recipe, and storing leftovers
Summing-up
Many little problems crop up in the ordinary course of life that we resolve with ease, but for individuals on the spectrum, however, it could potentially become a greater challenge. That is, if they are not provided with opportunities to problem solve throughout their childhood and teen years.
Parents, please nurture problem-solving. Allow mistakes. Allow imperfection. Start early in order to avoid rigidity. Help your child see a variety of possibilities for discovering solutions.
