Managing aggressive outbursts autism – Autism Parenting Magazine

An autistic advocate shares her tips for controlling angry emotions and managing aggressive outbursts.

As a child with autism, I had behavior problems, and as I grew up, I learned to manage them better. My mom was a great teacher; she taught me better behavior. I hope these tips help others to manage their anger or behavior.

Tip 1: Biggest tip—don’t let your anger turn into hate. Don’t let it get that far. Find ways to manage your feelings.

Tip 2: Don’t act on your aggressive feelings towards another person. Don’t be rude, act mean, act like you don’t like them, ignore their conversations, use mean language, treat people like they are worthless, or make their life horrible. You are better than that. Instead, respect them.

Tip 3: When you’re angry at someone, write down your feelings. This can help put them into perspective and help you identify your problem. I have typed into my computer journal or written a letter to the person responsible for my strong emotions. Expressing my feelings helped me feel better. By writing, I felt like I was talking to that person.

Tip 4: If you’re really angry, talk to friends, and maybe they can help you understand your feelings. They can help with a plan of action. I have done this with friends. Have positive people and influences in your life. When you are angry, avoid trash-talking about the person. That just brings you down, not the other person.

Tip 5: If you’re angry at a person, try punching pillows or punching bags. These methods are fine because you are not hurting the other person. If you do, you will get into serious trouble.

Tip 6: Don’t ignore angry feelings. Burying your feelings will only end up hurting you more. Another person should not be taking up rent in your head. Thinking negative thoughts about another person all the time just wastes a lot of time and energy.

Tip 7: Another option is talking to your therapist. They can help you sort out your feelings.

Tip 8: Do something productive to stop being angry, for example, taking a walk or watching television. Doing those activities is much more productive.

Tip 9: To understand another person, walk in their shoes. They may be having a bad day. If someone is treating you badly, it is a reflection on them and not you. How you respond to them will affect your relationship in the future.

Tip 10: Use “I” messages: For example: I feel ____ when you____. Use “I” statements so you are not blaming the person for everything. Don’t be pushy. Do not lie; be honest about the situation. Talk with that person. If someone yells at you, avoid getting into a shouting match. Use the “I” statements.

Tip 11: Understand that people make mistakes. It happens all the time. We are human. You may not get along with everyone, and that is okay. Not everyone will be your friend.

Tip 12: Remember: anger is a secondary emotion. Hurt or guilt comes first. If you cry because you feel hurt, it is okay.

Tip 14: It is easy to be angry if someone you know has changed for the worse. You may have put this person on a pedestal or have unrealistic expectations of them. Your only option is to deal with the reality of it now.

Tip 15: After chatting with someone you’re expressing anger toward, let everything go. If you want to get along with that person, follow up with a pleasant outing or something both of you enjoy. Find common ground. Go to a neutral place for lunch or a drink. Have a conversation.

Tip 16: If you continue to be angry, change your environment so you won’t have to see this person as often.

Tip 17: If someone is angry and acting like a child, be patient. They may eventually become more mature. I had an experience where someone was younger than me, and they were angry with me. Eventually, this person apologized.

Tip 18: Don’t let someone else’s feelings lead to abuse or being used. Don’t change who you are to please another person. Don’t be a people pleaser.

Tip 19: If you are angry at someone, avoid lying to them or about them. It will not end well.

Tip 20: If someone in your life is consistently negative. Find better friends or influences.

Being angry is uncomfortable. If you use these tips, you will find resolution, and anger will not cloud your life. Dealing with anger more directly will lead to success and even happiness.
Avoid lashing out and use “I” messages. If you’re tempted to bully someone, use “I” messages instead. If you do end up lashing out, it could affect the other person for a long time. I hope these tips help you manage your anger.