New Autism Diagnosis: 7 Crucial Steps to Move Forward

Find help with processing and moving forward after your child’s autism diagnosis.

You knew something was different, and it probably gave you a little relief that your suspicions were valid, but how do you accept, understand, and work with an autism diagnosis?

Give yourself permission to process and heal. To help you through this time, here are seven tips:

1. Give Yourself Time to Process the New Autism Diagnosis

As parents, we want what is best for our children. Receiving a diagnosis of autism can perhaps lead you down a rabbit hole of Google searches. I would try to limit the number of searches, if possible. Your child is still that same little bundle of love they were before you received their diagnosis.

Armed with a diagnosis, you understand there is a reason behind those tantrums or sensory sensitivities, but this should provide you with strategies to help them, not change who they are. Give yourself time to accept the diagnosis.

Try not to feel guilty for experiencing a sense of loss. This doesn’t mean you love your child less because they have an autism diagnosis. It means you are accepting the diagnosis.

When my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer, I went through various emotions. I was angry. I felt it was a mistake (denial), and I was extremely sad and frustrated—all in a matter of weeks. Twenty-odd years later, I still go through some of these emotions. My mom is still with me and doing well, but adapting to the “new normal” of living with a diagnosis was a process.

Cancer and autism are very different—one is a disease, and the other is a different way of thinking, being, and experiencing life. The one thing that is the same is that with any diagnosis, change is inevitable.

Any change takes a while to accept and become our new norm. Be kind to yourself, the same way you are kind to your child.

2. Trust Your Instincts When Choosing Child Autism Therapies

Your pediatrician, with good intentions, might suggest many hours of behavioral therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy for your child. This suggestion might come as a bit of a shock, as pre-diagnosis, your child was mainly relaxing at home with you.

They might have engaged in some tantrums and self-stimulatory (“stimming”) behaviors, which lead you to believe you need a second opinion, but you didn’t think you would exchange this for hours of driving to therapies, paying thousands of dollars, and needing to learn new therapeutic terms and techniques suddenly.

Try to take a step back after receiving a diagnosis. Firstly, remind yourself that your child is still your child—as mentioned earlier. Then, look at them with your expert eyes—you know your child best. Do you think all the suggestions are a good idea? Do you feel taking on one of the suggestions and reassessing is better for your child?

At AIMS Global, we usually advise parents to create an “autism-friendly” space at home. This could include decreasing clutter, labeling different areas, and having a sensory corner. We also advise parents to use a low-arousal tone (not adding too much emotion when requesting something from their child or when they engage in “challenging behaviors”).

As soon as some of these essential elements are in place, the stage is set for a child to feel comfortable with the consistency and predictability of their environment.

3. Introduce Autism Interventions at Your Child’s Pace

Once you’ve created a more predictable environment, you can assess what you feel your child needs most. Of course, it is important to speak with your pediatrician about this, but remember that your opinion is also crucial. Ask your pediatrician what they feel the top three goals are for your child.

You can see if you agree with this and then consider it from an inside perspective. If your child is struggling to communicate their needs, can they sit still (sensory-wise) for a speech therapist to work on increasing their expressive and receptive language?

They might first need to work with a sensory integrative occupational therapist to help them receive the input they crave before you focus on other goals. I know most professionals will tell you “time is precious” and “early intervention is key,” but what I have seen through many years of experience is that children, adolescents, and adults learn when they are in a space or frame of mind to learn naturally.

4. Prioritize Sensory Play and “Off-Time”

You and your child’s world might have changed since receiving a diagnosis. Both of your schedules might be busier, and therapists will ask for specific goals and strategies to be implemented at home. Make sure you still have “off-time” with and for your child.

According to Naber et al. (2008), the level of parent-child attachment predicts the development of play in young children. Your child should have times when there are no expectations, and perhaps they are free to engage in stimming in their sensory tent.

Restricting these behaviors might lead to your child feeling suppressed and frustrated, which can lead to more “challenging behaviors.” We want to ensure we have a balanced schedule for ourselves and our children while still showing them that we accept them for who they are and what they enjoy and crave.

5. Connect with Autism Support Groups and Communities

You might feel overwhelmed with all your newly gained knowledge of autism. Speaking with parents who have older children on the spectrum might help you see through some of the chaos you might be experiencing at this time. Parents on social media help others by posting their lived experiences.

It is essential to find your tribe, though some forums may not feel right for you. Do some research when you feel calm and rested, and decide what feels suitable for you and your family. I usually search on Instagram or Twitter with the hashtag #autismparents and then go through various social media accounts to see what I find helpful and uplifting for the parents I work with.

6. Take breaks

Being a parent is exhausting at times. Being a parent of an additional support child will take more effort, time, and money. You have to remind yourself that taking a break from it all is crucial.

Make time to decompress and ensure that you validate your feelings, but more than that, take time off when you need to. When you take care of yourself, you are able to support the rest of your family, including focusing on your relationship with your partner and other children, if applicable.

7. Read about lived experiences

Many autism advocates, such as Ido Kedar, John Elder Robison, Russell Lehmann, Dan Jones, and others, speak of their lived experiences with autism. Their videos and resources might help you understand autism from an “insider’s perspective.” It could also possibly help with the acceptance of a diagnosis.

Netflix released a show, Love on the Spectrum, where they follow autistic adults and their journey to finding love. I highly recommend watching this show to understand how beautifully unique autistic people are. If your child is still young, the ever-looming thought of them growing up might be soothed by watching accounts of extraordinary individuals looking for ordinary things, like loving relationships.

The words “autism spectrum disorder” might seem scary in theory, but people diagnosed with autism are just that—people. They want to make friends, they want to engage with others, and they want to find purpose in their lives. They might just have a different way of doing all of these things. You have an incredible job in helping them strive and reach their full potential and goals.

In conclusion

I share many other tips with parents with a recent diagnosis. For today, though, I would love for you to look at your child with “pre-diagnosis” eyes. They are still the same child, and they will surprise you with their resilience.

In a world that is not very “autism-friendly,” your child will learn to adapt and conquer their fears. You are an incredible parent for reaching out and reading extra material to help your child. Take some time to also congratulate yourself for being such a present parent.

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