The Emotional Transition to Autism Adulthood: Powerful Perspectives on Moving Out

Dear Justin,

The topic of your moving out came up with a family friend, one curious about your after-21 life plans, and where you would eventually live. I told her all about my rockstar friends, and how we’re hoping to give you the very best adult life possible, and shared with her our dreams for our young man.

I’m always a little emotional after I tell people about this plan, because although I know it is inevitable, it is difficult to imagine a time when you won’t be with me daily. It’s hard for me to remember a time now when you weren’t around.

It seemed like from the very first moment you came into this world, you were attached to me. There were many times when you would not stop crying, and the only remedy always seemed to be found in my arms. In your early days, I chalked it up to colic, but I think even then, you were craving sensory input, seeking out that regulation which let you know where you were in the world.

Or maybe you just liked being in my embrace.

You’ve been the major part of my life for 18 years, both an eternity and the blink of an eye. It will be such an adjustment not to start my day waking you up for school or your day program, enfolding you in a hug as you relinquish sleep every morning.

It will be so strange to think that other people will be dressing you, feeding you, putting you to bed, and hopefully interacting with you in a positive way. I know I will always be conflicted about your leaving, tempered with the fact that you can’t live with me forever.

I’d rather see you settled elsewhere when you’re younger and more flexible. I can’t envision you living with me until your forties and then having a major life change.

Change is harder the older we get. My gut tells me it’s the same for you, too.

Some of the other boys you’ll be living with are verbal, able to communicate in ways which you are not. When I really get down to it, this is the hardest part for me.

I can tell you you’re moving because you’re an adult, and it’s time for you to be more independent of your parents. I can explain to you that we’d prefer to do this when your father and I are in good health, rather than as an emergency placement.

I can tell you, with a catch in my throat, that no matter how you or I feel about it, this is inevitable, because someday your father and I will no longer be here, and your brother needs his own life.

I can tell you all these things, but the hard part is I’ll never know how much you understand.
I hope you know how much I love you, how difficult this decision was for your parents. If I’m perfectly honest, part of me has fantasized you’d live until eighty and I until one hundred and six, and we’d both get out holding hands, you first, me following right behind you.

Yes, I realize this is never going to happen, but a girl can dream.

I want you to know we will still see each other all the time. I plan on visiting frequently, being the mom who brings food, checking up on you, but spending time with you as well.

There will still be nights at Mom and Dad’s house, still times when you will have your favorite outings with me. There will be your favorite foods when you come home, hopefully, visits with your relatives, and your routine adhered to. There will still be some of your “old life” in your “new life.”

Through all the different emotions I know I’ll have, I also know that your dad and I will make it work for you. We have had so many challenges over the years, but eventually we always seem to prevail. I want you to have your best life possible, and I won’t settle for anything less for you, my precious son.

And I admit, through the worry and trepidation of such a colossal change, hope and excitement for a new chapter in your life break through, too.

I love you, son.

Always.

Mom.

The post The Emotional Transition to Autism Adulthood: Powerful Perspectives on Moving Out appeared first on Autism Parenting Magazine.

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