Understanding Autism Meltdowns – Autism Parenting Magazine

A special letter from a mom to other parents of autistic children, to remind them they are not alone.

To the parent in the grocery store

Dear parent in the grocery store, I see you. I see you when your baby, toddler, or child is acting up, being loud, and throwing fits. I see and hear the temper tantrums. I see people looking at you as though you need to control your child. I see the judgment and the scowls thrown your way by people passing you in the aisles.

But dear parent, in the grocery store, I see you. I see how you are walking fast so you can get in and out quickly. I see how you try to calm your loud child, and I see how frustrated you get when your child isn’t listening. I see the typical trip to the store as a nightmare. Dear parent, I see that you are a parent of a child with special needs.

To the parent in the restaurant

Dear parent in the restaurant, I see you. I see your child getting stares from neighboring booths and tables because of how they are acting. I hear comments like, “My child would never act like that!” I see judgments like your child is “spoiled” because they are eating McDonald’s when you’re at an Applebee’s.

But dear parent, in the restaurant, I see you. I see how you give up your phone, iPad, and data so your child can remain calm. I see how you try to keep your child from touching and destroying everything on the table. I see how you give your child “special requests” for food, such as McDonald’s, when you are going to another restaurant, because it may be the only thing that your child will eat. And it’s not because they are picky, but because it’s just who they are.

Sometimes, as parents, you cater to those needs. I see how one parent is scoffing their food down while the other parent has cold food, so they can focus on their child eating. Or during those hard days when your child won’t calm down, it’s easier to just request boxes and take your meals to go so you don’t disrupt those around you. Dear parent, I see that you are a special needs parent.

To the parent at the playground

Dear parent at the playground, I see you. I see how other parents may think your child is rude because they don’t play well with others. I see how other kids giggle or make fun of your child because they don’t fit in. I see how other parents can sit on the bench and relax while you are walking around, following your child like a hawk.

But dear parent, I see that your child isn’t rude but simply antisocial. I see how you encourage playtime with other kids, but your child would rather stand and watch. I see how the kids laugh, but you don’t react. I see how you follow your child like a hawk because you want to see your child play, but you know you can’t take your eyes off them for even a second.

I see how your child cannot stay focused on the playground, how they pay more attention to the rocks by the streams. I see how the park provides simple enjoyment and relaxation for most parents, but for you, it’s still hard work. I see how you are the playmate for your child; you are the one going down the slides and swinging on the swings. Dear parent, I see that you are a special needs parent.

To the special needs parent

Dear special needs parent, I see you. I see, and I know the struggle of everyday life. I know your story is not my story, but I know the struggles. I see and know the public eye is the least of your concerns.

Dear special needs parent, I know there is more than meets the eye. I know that home life is a challenge, I know the medical bills are hard, and I know the therapies are never-ending. I know it is hard to have someone to talk to who truly understands. I know that just because they are family, it doesn’t mean they understand exactly where you are coming from as a parent.

I see you are tired and desire a day out just for you. I see you worry when you are not with your child, and you pray that they are doing okay. And when they go to school, you hope that today, just today, they have a good day. I see the tears, the grief, and the sadness. I see the trials, and I see the heartache. Dear special needs parent, I see you.

I see you, but dear parent of a special needs child, I see more than the special needs. I see your undying love for the child who has changed your world. I see your strength as you hold strong, so your child has a shoulder to lean on. I see how simple milestones are so much more.

As special needs parents, we see miracles happen every day. The word “momma” is so much more than a word; it’s a blessing. I see that no matter how lonely our world can be, it’s still completely filled with love.

Our hearts hold more room for love and patience than others. We have learned to be superheroes for our children.

Dear special needs parent, I see that no matter how tough it can be, you still wouldn’t change it for the world. And when others around you make you feel as though you are labeling your child or yourself, you know how to move forward with dignity and continue being you!

This is your life, the life God gave you. For you are not resentful, but you are humble. God makes no mistakes, for each of our kids is perfectly made by Him. So, dear special needs parent, you are not alone. I see you. You are not unnoticed.