Why Family and Friends Matter for People With Autism

Tips from the perspective of someone with autism on the importance of family and friends.

Family and friends are important to someone living with autism. Here are the reasons why:

Tip 1: Happiness

Having a supportive family and friends makes your life happy, bountiful, and full.

Tip 2: Support

A supportive family is going to be there for you no matter what happens in your life. However, there are those on the spectrum who don’t have a supportive family. I hope that changes. 

Surprises happen, and people come into your life and become like your family. These surprise family members may come into your life to help with therapies, education, or just being a friend.

Tip 3: Friends

Friends can become family. Friends share common interests.

You may like skateboarding and find friends at the skatepark. If you are interested in the Marvel or DC universe, you will find friends at their conventions. With conversation, common interests, and spending time together, acquaintances become friends.

Often a few friends become like family. You will go out of your way to help friends who become family. Friends may help you with disabilities or other unique features about yourself, like having a special wheelchair or using a special communication device.

Tip 4: Boundaries

Beware of people who act like your friends but only want to use you. Be sure to set good boundaries. Boundaries are setting your limits. You don’t have to do something just because someone asks or needs it.

Tip 5: Changes

Some friends are for life; others come and go. For example, someone you’re close to may move away. They may change jobs, have a baby, or have a death in the family.
That will change their availability. The same thing might happen to you, which could change your availability.

If something like that happens, let them go. You can look for a new friend.

Tip 6: Mentors

Older friends may become parental figures or mentors. They are the best. They are also wonderful surprises. I was lucky to gain older friends during the pandemic. I did not expect them to become so important to me. They became mentors and then parental figures to me. One is a grandmother figure; the other a father figure. They share their life experiences with me.

Tip 7: Disagreements

Arguments or disagreements between family and friends can happen. The key is that, if you care about these people, you will forgive them. They will forgive you. Friends and family see past your flaws.

Tip 8: Moms and Dads

Your mom and dad are very important. Sometimes they are the only parents you are going to get. Your mom can be a support for you her whole life. Moms and dads will teach you special things.

You may lose your parents. If that happens, find mentors to help guide you. Parents and mentors will work with you to get the resources you need, such as a wheelchair, communication device, therapy, or a service dog.

Parents and mentors will stop at nothing to see that you have a chance at a meaningful life. My mom got resources for me as a young child: speech therapy, occupational therapy, and mental health therapy.
Both my parents wanted to see me live a fulfilling life. I am who I am because of my mom. All of this applies to adoptive parents as well.

Tip 9: Divorce of parents

If your parents split up or get a divorce, that is unfortunate. They will still love you.

Avoid getting caught in the middle. Don’t share with one parent what the other parent has said.

Keep your separate identity with each of your parents. If one of them wants to talk about the other, tell them to talk to each other and not to you.

Tip 10: Death of parent(s)

If one or both of your parents pass away, you will be sad. You may also be angry. After you lose a parent, a step-parent might come into the picture.

That happened to me. My stepmom did not want to replace my mom, and I appreciated that about her. My stepmom was the opposite of my mom in many ways, but she is very loving. After a while, I started to call her mother because she became important to me.

I got lucky and gained another mother. If you gain a step-parent, give them a chance. If you are really lucky, they will become a mom and dad. However, they will never replace your first mom or dad.

Tip 11: Siblings

Keep your siblings in your life because you may need them when you grow up. Arguments will happen. Your brothers and sisters are still family. They can be a social support for you as you get older. 

If you lose one of your parents, you may gain stepbrothers or stepsisters. They can also give you support. They can help you find community resources. 

There are times when siblings may become your guardian. Siblings can be like parents, seeing you through with support in life. You will also become an aunt or uncle if they have children. 

Tip 12: Uncles and Aunts

Uncles and aunts are important because they can help you out if something happens to your mom or dad. They can help with disabilities, handicaps, and resources. If you have a financial problem, aunts and uncles can get you resources to help.

They have families you can enjoy. They can give you presents, big hearts, and smiles. As a child, my aunt loved me to bits.

Unfortunately, at that time, I did not appreciate that. I wish I could have loved her back because she was such a nice lady. Now I am an aunt to my baby brother’s kids, and it brings me joy to watch them grow up.

Tip 13: Grandparents

Love your grandparents. They will be second parents if something happens to your mom and dad. They can help you.

As a child, I did not pay any attention to my grandparents, and I wish I had. I never gave my wonderful grandparents a chance.

My grandmother wanted to teach me to cook, knit, crochet, garden, etc. I never wanted to learn. My grandfather wanted to be in my life, but I never gave him the time of day. I never cared for their well-being, and I wish I could change that. I think of them every day.

Tip 14: Pets

Your pets can be family because they are loyal, love you no matter what, and won’t talk back to you. Some pets are just pets, and others are there to work for and serve you. Treat your pets with kindness. If you are mean to your pets, you should not have one.

These are my tips for maintaining friends and family.