Why Parents Should Feed Children’s Special Interests

Discover why parents of children on the spectrum should nurture their children’s special interests to build on their strengths.

I wasn’t diagnosed autistic until college. So as a kid, nobody could figure out what was “wrong” with me. I had huge energy, took over any room I walked into, and I was always the center of attention. My school teachers hated this, of course, and constantly punished me for being disruptive. My peers didn’t like it either and routinely excluded or bullied me. My mom was desperate to find something to channel my energy. We tried sports, Boy Scouts, even 4H. But nothing fit until we discovered theatre.

My big energy and ability to take over any room worked great on stage. I instantly became a child star, doing everything from professional theatre to television. My mom spent hours carting me to auditions, rehearsals, dance classes, and vocal lessons. School was still a nightmare, but I got through it knowing that I would be on stage every day after school.

Theatre gave me self-confidence, helped me see that I wasn’t just “weird”; I was gifted. I connected with others who shared my passion and got mentored by people outside my family. I found my community, a place I could excel and belong.

Looking back, this was my special interest. It was the flipside of my difficulty with social skills, boundaries, attention, and impulse control. Had I not discovered this interest (and my mom not fed it so well), I may have internalized the idea that I was bad, broken, or stupid—an all-too-common autistic struggle.

Our economy needs specialists

The problem is, our education system is generalized. It expects everyone to be a “little bit good” at everything. It limits specialization and makes many kids feel dumb if they’re bad at a particular area, even if they’re brilliant at another. I remember having so much stress and shame over math. Even just basic equations were like torture, and getting bad grades and being compared to other math-wiz kids made me feel like I was stupid—even though I could sing every lyric to Les Miserables.

As a parent, you can mitigate this negative influence by removing any pressure on your child to perform in their trouble areas and allow them to focus instead on becoming even better at areas of excellence and special interests. My mom told me not to worry about math, to just do my best, and then get back to choreographing my dance routine.

Children are naturally exposed to new things outside of their interest area. As they expand and grow their passion, more skills will be required. For instance, when I was in a play about the Civil War, I learned a lot about history. But before that, no one would have been able to encourage me to study American history. I have built on the skills I learned from the theatre to become an expert at sales, marketing, fundraising, and leading a company.

Gifted, capable, and confident

I was able to harness my energy and stage presence to co-create a fast-growing baby food company and build a team of specialists who are welcoming and inclusive. But the single most important factor in my success is my self-confidence. My belief that I can excel and accomplish anything truly came from my mom allowing me to shine with no shame for struggling at other things.
Feeding their interests can help autistic children learn what I believe is their most important lesson: they are gifted, capable, and confident. From that place, they can accomplish anything.